My Life After Now Read online

  Andre kept me a few minutes after to give me some notes, so most of my castmates were already gone by the time I packed up my things and left the auditorium.

  I was surprised to find Evan waiting for me in the deserted hallway.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He grinned and gave me a fist bump. “You killed it up there today,” he said as we walked to the parking lot.

  “Thanks. I had no idea everyone was watching.”

  “We weren’t at first, but how could we not be lured in by a beautiful girl shouting about giant cups of liquor and an old hag giving sex dreams to virgins? It was rad.”

  Beautiful girl? A deep blush warmed my cheeks.

  “So, Lucy, you’re single now, right?” Evan asked casually.

  “Um, yeah.”

  He nodded. “Would you go out with me this weekend?”

  “Go out?” I’d never been asked out on an actual date before. Ty and I had just sort of fallen together, growing closer as we spent time together at rehearsals and cast parties. There hadn’t been much of an official courtship period.

  “Yeah, you know, like I pick you up at your house and we go eat food together and maybe see a movie or something?”

  I’d never really thought about Evan that way, but maybe this could be good. “Sure,” I said. “Why not?”

  • • •

  Saturday night, he showed up at my doorstep at exactly seven o’clock. He looked different somehow. Maybe it was the absence of his baseball cap or the fact that he was wearing a gray button-down shirt that I’d never seen before. Or maybe it was that I was looking at him differently now. He was no longer just Evan, the new guy who had an encyclopedic knowledge about sword fighting. Now he was Evan, the guy who liked me, with whom I was about to spend the evening alone.

  “You look really nice,” he said.

  “Thank you,” I said, glad Max had convinced me to wear a dress. “Want to meet my parents?” He didn’t have much of a choice, since my dads were standing right behind me, dorky grins on their faces. Luckily, Lisa seemed to be lying low tonight—I wondered if my dads had asked her to stay in her room or if she did it on her own.

  Evan’s smile melted to surprise for the smallest fragment of a second as he added up the me + father + father equation, but he pulled it together a lot quicker than most people did, and the friendly smile returned to his face.

  I introduced him to Dad and Papa, they all shook hands, my dads made the generic “treat our daughter well” remarks, and we were on our way.

  “You have two dads,” Evan said as we drove down the street.

  “Indeed I do,” I agreed.

  “What’s that like?” he asked.

  I had to admire his brazenness. My town was pretty liberal as suburbs go, and my family had always been welcomed and accepted in Eleanor Falls, but people rarely asked direct gay-parent-related questions. They either overcompensated and acted like two men raising a teenage daughter was as commonplace as blue jeans and whitening toothpaste, though we always knew it was all they were thinking about, or they waited until they got to know us well before building up the courage to ask about it. But Evan had learned of my unconventional family all of two minutes ago and already he was asking questions. It was refreshing.

  “It’s all I’ve ever known,” I said, shrugging. “It’s normal to me.”

  “Are you adopted?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “Not totally. I was half-adopted.”

  By the time I finished explaining the whole bio-dad/adopted-dad thing, we were at the restaurant.

  After we ordered, Evan picked the conversation right back up and asked the question that no one had ever asked me outright before. “Have you ever met your biological mother?” It caught me off guard.

  I took a sip of my soda, to give myself an extra moment to think. Could I justify telling Evan about Lisa being back, when I hadn’t even told Courtney and Max? Maybe not, but I knew I was going to tell him anyway. There was something open about him.

  “I have,” I said. “Actually, she’s staying with us right now.”

  “Oh, so you have a relationship with her then.”

  “Not exactly,” I said, and dove into the whole sordid Lisa history. “She’s been back a week now, and I still don’t know why she’s here. We’ve been doing a pretty good job of steering clear of each other.”

  He looked confused. “Why don’t you just ask her?”

  I let out a little laugh. “You make it sound so simple.”

  “Well, isn’t it? You talk to her for two minutes, get her side of the story, and then decide whether she’s worth your time or not. But by spending all your energy avoiding her and wondering why she’s here, you’re not being fair to yourself.” He shrugged and took a bite of his mashed potatoes.

  I stared at him in awe. “Who are you?”

  “You mean, ‘who is this random guy who thinks he knows anything about my life?’”

  “I mean, ‘who is this person who sees things so clearly?’ I wish I could do that. I’m always overanalyzing everything—it’s why I can’t ever sleep. My mind won’t shut up.”

  “Yeah, I’m the total opposite. I’ve never been a worrier. But that’s not necessarily a good thing—things appear so cut-and-dried to me that I always think I’m right, which of course isn’t true, and I end up putting my foot in my mouth.” He paused. “You know, if we ever had kids, I bet they’d end up with a perfect mix of our two personality extremes.”

  I laughed. “Oh, so now we’re having kids together, huh?”

  He grinned. “Well, I think we kind of have to. Far be it from us to deny the world perfectly tempered, Shakespeare-quoting, Elizabethan fencing experts with your smile.”

  After dinner, we were having such a good time that we decided to forgo the movie and instead just drive around and talk. Evan told me all about his life back in San Francisco and how after his parents’ divorce they didn’t give him a choice of whether he wanted to stay in California with his dad or move here with his mom for her new job. He told me how he joined the drama club with a few guy friends freshman year because they’d heard it was a good place to meet girls and how, by the end of the first semester, his friends had all bailed but he had unexpectedly fallen in love with theater. We talked about Ty, and we talked about Sarah, Evan’s ex-girlfriend.

  “What happened with the two of you?”

  “She left for college in Seattle, I came here, and that was the end of that.” He gave a quick, unaffected shrug. I couldn’t help feeling there was more to the story.

  “Did you love her?”

  He stared straight ahead. “I thought I did.”

  I sighed. I knew what that was like.

  We sat there quietly for a while, parked on a side street a few blocks away from my house, listening to the radio. It wasn’t an awkward lapse in conversation, though; it was comfortable. And after a few songs, Evan leaned over out of the blue and kissed me. It was soft and hesitant at first, but slowly grew deep and intense.

  It was strange kissing someone other than Ty. Lee didn’t count, because I didn’t remember it. But Ty…I still remembered every kiss with him, from the very first to the very last. I remembered the softness of his lips and the way our teeth sometimes scraped against each other’s and how we would laugh and go right on kissing. I remembered kissing him and thinking I never wanted to kiss anyone else for the rest of my life.

  Kissing Evan was different. Not bad different, just…new. I liked the way he threaded his hands through my hair and I liked the way he seemed to be exploring my kiss rather than forcing his own on me. Reacting rather than acting.

  We did a pretty good job of steaming up the car windows, but Evan didn’t try anything else. That was good—tonight made me excited for my future, but I still hadn’t fully recovered from my past.

  • • •

  When I floated home from my date, the house was quiet. My dads had already gone up to bed, though their bedroom light was still on—I k
new they were expecting me to check in with them before I went to bed. They were probably waiting to hear all about my night. The only light downstairs was coming from the living room. I went in to turn it off before I headed upstairs, but Lisa was sitting on the couch, using Dad’s laptop.

  “Oh. Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t know anyone was in here.”

  “It’s okay,” she said, closing the computer.

  I gave a stiff nod and started to leave the room. But Evan’s advice echoed in my ears. Lisa didn’t deserve the effort it took to constantly avoid her. Papa did say he would kick her out if I asked him to. Maybe by this time tomorrow, she would be out of my life.

  I slowly turned back around and sat in the chair opposite her.

  “All right,” I said. “You have two minutes to say whatever you want to say. Make it count.”

  8

  Children Will Listen

  Lisa took a deep breath. “I know you don’t want me here,” she said. “I guess I can’t blame you. I don’t really want to be here, either.”

  So far she wasn’t making a very good case for herself. But I didn’t say anything.

  “Adam and Seth didn’t tell you why I’m here, did they.” It was more of a statement than a question.

  I shook my head.

  “I’m pregnant, Lucy.”

  My eyes instinctively darted to her stomach. She didn’t look pregnant.

  “Four months,” she said, patting her midsection.

  I cleared my throat. “Um, congratulations,” I said. “But I still don’t get what this has to do with us.”

  “I came here because, believe it or not, you and Adam and Seth are the only stable people in my life. And I need your help.”

  “With what? None of us have experience being pregnant.”

  “No. But when I was carrying you, Adam helped me…stay healthy.”

  That’s when it all clicked. She needed us to help her stay away from drugs. I should have known it would be something like this. It was classic Lisa: irresponsible, selfish, and expecting everyone else to drop their lives in order to cater to her needs. She was the one with the drug habit, she was the one who went and got knocked up, and we were the ones who were supposed to deal with the consequences?

  “I’ve been pregnant before,” she continued. “I mean, besides with you. A few times, actually. But it never stuck…for one reason or another.” She shrugged. “This time, though, I want to do it right.”

  Translation: You were never good enough for me, but this baby is. I felt like I’d been sucker-punched right in the center of my heart.

  I pushed my chair back and stood up. “Your two minutes are up,” I said, and went upstairs to bed.

  • • •

  The next morning I awoke to a knock at my door.

  “Lucy?” Dad said. “Are you awake?”

  “No!” I yelled, pulling the covers up over my head. I felt like I’d only just fallen asleep.

  The door opened anyway, and Dad and Papa came in and sat on the edge of my bed.

  “So, you spoke to Lisa,” Dad said.

  “And?” I mumbled.

  “She said that she told you about the pregnancy.”

  I exhaled and pushed the covers back from my face. “You mean the pregnancy that for some reason we’re expected to be responsible for, since she obviously has no self-control?”

  Dad and Papa exchanged a look.

  “Lucy,” Papa said. “I meant what I said—if you really want her gone, she’s gone.”

  “Okay, great. I want her gone.”

  “But hang on. Just think for a second about what that would mean.”

  “What?”

  “She’s already decided she’s going to keep the baby. So if we kicked her out and she relapsed, that baby’s health would be on our hands,” Papa said. “Whether we like it or not, we’re part of this now.”

  That was true…

  “And remember,” Dad said, “the baby is going to be your half-sibling.”

  Huh. That was also true.

  “So you see the predicament we’ve been dealing with,” Papa said.

  “Yeah,” I said after a moment. “I guess I do.”

  I was going to have a little brother or sister. Well, that just changed everything.

  9

  Memory

  My feelings toward Lisa were so confusing—I hated her now more than ever, yet there was a lot less tension around the house now that we were all in agreement that she would stay with us at least until the baby was born.

  I finally told Max and Courtney the whole story after rehearsal on Monday.

  “So that explains why you’ve been acting so weird lately,” Max said.

  Well, partially.

  “But why didn’t you tell us?” Courtney asked.

  “I’m really sorry,” I said. “I guess I just had to work through it myself before I could talk about it with anyone.”

  Courtney gave me a big hug. “You can always come to us, Lucy.”

  I smiled gratefully. “Thanks, guys.”

  “Now let’s get to the good stuff,” Max said. “What’s going on with you and Evan?”

  “We’ve only been on one date, Max. It’s way too early to tell.” But I couldn’t stop blushing.

  That very morning, I’d left for school to find Evan waiting for me in the driveway, leaning against his car.

  “Oh! Hi!” I said, surprised but not at all disappointed to see him.

  “Hey,” he said, and the corner of his mouth turned up.

  We stood there like that for an extended moment, grinning at each other in the dewy morning air, and then sprang into action at the same time, our lips meeting before any other part of our bodies. I really hoped my dads weren’t witnessing this, but it felt so good to be near Evan again that I didn’t bother turning away from him to check.

  When we finally did break apart, I played with the collar of his jacket and murmured, “So…what are you doing here? Not that I’m complaining.”

  “I woke up this morning with this grand plan to bring you breakfast and drive you to school,” he said. “But it wasn’t until I was pulling into your driveway that it dawned on me that you might think this was totally creepy and stalkery of me, showing up like this without calling. I don’t want you to think I’m one of those possessive, no-woman-of-mine-is-gonna-drive-herself-places types.”

  “I don’t think that,” I said, laughing.

  “Well, even so, I’m not driving you,” he said decisively. “We’ll take separate cars and meet at school.”

  “Evan, that’s ridiculous. Not to mention bad for the environment.”

  He thought for a moment. “Okay, then you drive me to school.”

  He was so adorable. “Deal.” He moved to get in the passenger side of my car. “Wait,” I said. “What about breakfast?”

  “Oh yeah!” He leaned in through his car window and took out several bags from various restaurants. “I didn’t know what you liked, so I got a few choices.” He spread everything out on the car hood. “OJ, coffee with milk and sugar, black coffee, and a good old-fashioned Coca-Cola in case you’re pro-caffeine but anti-coffee.”

  I selected the black coffee with a wordless smile.

  He nodded approvingly. “I like your style. And for food, we have a fine selection of bagel with cream cheese, fruit salad, jelly donut, and egg whites on whole wheat.”

  I chose the bagel and gave him a kiss on a cheek. “This was really sweet, Evan. Thank you.”

  He smiled. “You’re welcome. Now, drive me to school, woman!”

  I burst out in laughter.

  • • •

  We were growing closer. We started sitting together in homeroom and at lunch, and walking together hand-in-hand in the halls. He neglected the PSP in favor of hanging out with me and my friends during rehearsal downtimes. He made everything better. He knew nearly everything about me, and when my own mind twisted my feelings into an unmanageable ball of confusion, he had a way of makin
g things clear and unintimidating. In some ways, after only a few weeks, Evan knew me better than Ty ever had. I had never even told Ty about Lisa. And he had never asked.

  Ty and Elyse were now officially “an item,” as my dads would call it. They’d taken their public displays of affection to a level only two drama queens could. They were always kissing and touching and rubbing each other. But like magic, the closer Evan and I became, the less I cared about Ty and Elyse. Several times I caught her darting a glance my way during a particularly touchy-feely moment between her and Ty, and it killed her that I wasn’t fazed by it anymore.

  One Friday night, as Evan and I were leaving the movies, he turned to me and said, “So are you my girlfriend now?” in that ultra-casual way of his.

  I laughed. “That depends. Do you want me to be?”

  “Oh definitely.”

  I grinned. “Well then, yes, I think I am.”

  “Cool,” he said.

  • • •

  We’d been together nearly a month. Evan was over at my house, and for once Dad, Papa, and Lisa were all out. We were alone, up in my room, the door closed. I was playing him some songs on the guitar. But halfway through the second song, something happened. We locked eyes, my fingers stopped moving, the guitar was pushed to the side, and within two seconds we were all over each other.

  We’d talked about sex before, but only in the context of our exes. Neither of us was a virgin. But we’d never talked about if or when we’d do it together. And now, it was looking like it was about to happen.

  When Ty and I did it for the first time, it was a major production. We’d talked about it for months before we actually did it and planned out everything. The place, the day, the time, the music. Like everything in my life, I’d wanted it to be perfect.

  It wasn’t how I’d imagined. I felt weird, being completely naked in front of a boy, even a boy as beautiful and attentive as Ty. And the actual “doing it” part was so awkward. How should we position our bodies? What should we do with our hands? Where should we look? Should we be talking during it or just letting the moment speak for itself?

  And it hurt. A lot. So much, in fact, that I still could not believe evolution hadn’t figured out a solution to the whole hymen issue by now. It was over pretty quickly, and I was left wondering why everyone made such a big deal about sex.